Saturday, July 28, 2007

I can't keep it all in

I can't quite keep it all in...

I have post-its on every surface of my desk. My computer screen looks like some kind of sick wall flower sprouting paper petals with scribbled words. I have not been able to keep up with this blog, and I have not been able to concentrate on reading anyone else's, or even a book for that matter. I miss that, and as you can see in the expression of Circe Invidiosa, I'm just a little bit pissed off about it.

Yesterday I bought funeral clothes. I came to Colorado with my favorite uniform, jeans and T-shirts, and all of my ski clothes. Yesterday I also bought a pair of shoes that aren't flipflops of hiking boots, and I took my suitcase out of the attic. I'll be traveling to my grandfather's funeral tomorrow, and when I return to Colorado on Wednesday, I will pass MacGyver in the sky as he flies back to Italy for a 10 day trip to put his father's former life in order.

Even as I try to hold it all together, keep it all in, the ever-changing travel arrangements and confirmation numbers, my children's safekeeping, my dog's feeding schedule, my work (yes, I still do that, quite a lot, actually), my memories of my dear grandfather, figuring out what's for dinner, what time zone I'm in, what to wear to an August funeral in Texas, where the heat will be akin to an oven, everything just keeps flowing out, falling out, hanging out...

For you, my readers (I like to call you Mine), a poem from one of the obsessions of my adolescence, Dylan Thomas, who has never felt quite as apropos.

And death shall have no dominion.

Dead men naked they shall be one

With the man in the wind and the west moon;

When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,

They shall have stars at elbow and foot;

Though they go mad they shall be sane,

Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;

Though lovers be lost love shall not;

And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.

Under the windings of the sea

They lying long shall not die windily;

Twisting on racks when sinews give way,

Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;

Faith in their hands shall snap in two,

And the unicorn evils run them through;

Split all ends up they shan't crack;

And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.

No more may gulls cry at their ears

Or waves break loud on the seashores;

Where blew a flower may a flower no more

Lift its head to the blows of the rain;

Though they be mad and dead as nails,

Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;

Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,

And death shall have no dominion.


Brillig said...

Wow. You really do have SO MUCH going on. I can't believe it. I love the painting and the idea of not being able to contain it all. Beautiful post. You and yours will be in my thoughts as you tackle these hurdles over the next few days.

anno said...

It does seem like life has demanded a lot of range from you in these past few weeks. As you are caring for others, be sure to take some care for yourself as well.

The painting was perfect. So was Dylan Thomas.

Jenn in Holland said...

Jennifer, don't keep it all in. Let it out. Every drop.

Jen said...

Jennifer, please, please take care of yourself through all this. The kids will be fine, work can wait, just remember to take time for yourself and to grieve.

Huge, huge hugs to you!