Wednesday, October 31, 2007

what it feels like


There is the slightest possibility that I may have found a way to secure a studio space to paint in. I'm not sure. It's still hypothetical. But it may work out. Thinking about the idea of painting again made me remember what it feels like.

Painting for me is a ritualistic and sensorial event. I walk in. The studio smells like turpentine, which I love. I usually use a piece of glass for a palette, and the palette is probably smeared with the colors I am using, and looks almost like a painting itself. My beloved brushes are stewing in the coffee can that or glass jar next to the palette, and their handles bear the colors of years and years of painting. I love these brushes. If I am working on a canvas, I have turned it to face the wall the last time I painted. Painings are sensitive, vulnerable creatures. I've always kept mine turned to the wall when they are alone until finished. Leaving them facing outwards is akin to being left paralyzed and naked in front of the world, maybe with your guts hanging out.

I turn the canvas around and sit in a chair and look at it. Sometimes I squint. Sometimes I turn it upside down. Sometimes I pace around. Sometimes I do none of this and get to work, because I may have been obsessing in the back of my mind overnight about what I want to do.

Then I do it.

8 comments:

Tandy said...

Your blog is so beautiful. I'm still reading up on your archives. Sometimes they make me cry, and I am not sure why. Your ability to convey your feelings, in images and colour stikes a deep resonance inside me. I love what you do and I have deep admiration for you. I think beautiful things happen to beautiful people. You are definitely one of those. I wish you good luck with getting the studio and getting back to painting. Tandy

jennifer said...

Heartfelt thank you, Tandy.

anno said...

This is a beautiful post. I hope this possibility works out for you.

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

I'm so glad that you have this possibility. I know you've really needed it.

jen said...

you know, you are fantastic.

Karenkool said...

I love this post.

I want to see more and hear more about... and seeeeee moooore of your delicious work.

Goofball said...

wow, you can describe it so well, you almost make me feel like painting.

Jenn in Holland said...

I love your personification of your paintings themselves. I feel for them in the unfinished state, but also feel jubilant knowing that it is you bringing them into life and cognizance.
I want to be the fly on the wall watching this process.