Monday, October 1, 2007

What's missing

Writing is a lot like painting, though definitely less blissful. It comes in gushes that overwhelm all of your more responsible time commitments, then hides away stealthily and leaves you feeling a bit empty. A bit idealess. Stupid even.

Painting is physical. It takes your whole body and mind, and takes you to your own private planet. Painting is the ultimate pleasure, esecially oil painting, and is almost sinful. I can't paint right now. I don't have a studio, and for me that means I can't paint. The act of painting is also comprised of the place, the smell, the mess, the setup. I never just take out my watercolors and dabble at the kitchen table. That's so not the point. I need to be standing up where I can walk around in circles and play loud music.

I miss it terribly. Terribly. I think there is something fundamental missing from my life, which nothing or no one can take the place of. As I write this I realize that I must find a way to make it happen. We don't even have adequate housing right now, but finding a place to paint may just make me nicer...


jen said...

find it. make it so.

life is too short not to paint if it calls you.

Jennifer said...

Find a way.

I studied oil painting briefly in college. I know just what you mean about going into your own private world when you paint. I would go to the studio on a Saturday morning and then realize it was dark out and I hadn't eaten or been to the bathroom all day. What a luxury to have had all that time and space just for me! I can hardly imagine it now.

I hope you manage to carve out a space and time.

Jen said...

This is Jen from a2 - it sounds like you're on your way to finding a way to make it happen. Is there studio space near/in your town? Could you share with other artists? I know that a lot of the artists here share space and either divide their space up or have it on different days to keep costs down.

For me, I get that physical release from writing. I actually started a BFA program in theater design (sets, lighting, costumes) when I first went to college, and it's BECAUSE there are all those messes to deal with, etc., that I find it exhausting. It's funny. I also love blaring music when I'm writing for me.

I hope you get this resolved very soon!

And I love your painting.

anno said...

Sometimes I think we have to give ourselves placeholder pleasures, something to remind ourselves that we ARE going to get back to painting, making music, weaving, or writing. So, even if it's not perfect, consider using that kitchen table or dining area as your studio. Let everyone eat dinner on the sofa for a while.

Greg said...

Painting is so obviously part of who you are. Growing older is about becoming more of who you are; paint, be yourself.

Rebecca said...

Hope you find a place to paint very soon - sounds like you need it. And I understand the need to have a special (private?) place to do it... even with writing - which is much less physical and tactile ...I still prefer things to be JUST right.

and no - getting out the watercolours at the kitchen table does not compare to spreading out - having room to move and pace - while listening to some blaring Bob Dylan.....(or whoever may inspire you)