Thursday, December 13, 2007

the subtle art of standing still

When did standing still become such luxury? Have we forgotten how to do it?

I'm a Gemini. I don't really care for astrology, but the duality of being a Gemini seems to fit me well. I waver between the firmness of reality and the flimsiness of fantasy. It drives me crazy. Am I wasting my life's energy on the meaningless fodder of getting by in today's world? Or do I feel so behind my peers because of my spur of the moment inspired choices that have led me to where I am?

Do you ever find yourself doing something necessary, something concrete, like writing checks to pay bills, and suddenly you are struck by the sheer absurdity of writing something on a piece of paper that represents your labor and sweat? Or perhaps only I have these sudden flashes of some alternate reality peeking around the corner... a reality which may not be real at all.

If you knew me you would say I was responsible. You would say that I get things done, that I provide a good home for my family. But there is a part of me that sometimes wants to throw it all into the wind. I like to stand still. Stand very still and look at the sky. I like to watch it change, or watch it do nothing at all. I like to feel weightless.

This is a subtle art. You have to remember to come back.

5 comments:

anno said...

Interesting. My husband is also a Gemini, also a skywatcher. I pay the bills, try to make sure there's something compelling to return home to.

jen said...

i go through that all the time...the absurdity of so many things that we do because it's how we keep the wheels turning..and yet, wow. the absurdity.

Anali said...

I think about things like that too and I'm a Virgo. It astounds me how much of our lives we spend on administrative work. But if we didn't do it, we couldn't do the good stuff too. Life is quite a strange ride...

kelly said...

Taurus here! I'm the same way, so maybe it's just an artist thing?

Fourier Analyst said...

I remember reading this around the time you posted it and thinking it deserves more than just a fleeting comment, but I could not get the energy to post one.

I know the feel of being torn in multiple parts. Sometimes I think I really should see a therapist. There are so many competing sides to me. Different personalities really, each with their own voice and preferences. Each of them gets their own time and chance to shine, so I guess you could say I am well integrated. But often there are moments like you describe, when I just want to still all the voices and conflicting feels and experience the silence. I love the image you chose to go with this. I must remember to schedule an afternoon of cloud-watching when the weather is warmer.