Saturday, November 27, 2010

Nirvana for a day


Have you ever been envious? I wrote a series of articles a few years ago about the seven deadly sins, and the sin that got under my skin the most was Envy. Rereading that article gave me a bit of the creeps today. Envy feels quite close to evil for me. Is there anything worse that coveting what is not yours? Is there anything so seductive as wishing for something imagined that you see on the surface of someone else's life? Whether it is money, things, talent, love or some other figment of your imagination? Have you ever envied your friend, your neighbor? Did it make you feel dirty and useless, shallow and a bit pathetic? Yes... give me lust, wrath, pride. I can dispatch those swiftly and not feel a thing. But I will admit that Envy has been hard. Until now.
Walking through my life this afternoon, with my husband who adores me after nearly twenty years together, with my children who alternately drive me to my wit's end or make me flush with pride, with my orphanesque dog, my broken down car, my mountains of books, my skis, my orchids blooming, my too full work schedule, my post-it notes framing my computer monitor, my sketchbook gathering too much dust, my body's new scars, my debt, my doubts, my dreams, I had a sudden realization. With all of this, so much and so hanging by a thread, so frantic and so unpredictable, I envy no one.

I envy no one. Nirvana for a day.

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